its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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