Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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