Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
