The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
