I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sext me about skeletons
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
