IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
