is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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