Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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