I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
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She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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