So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
