so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you made out with another girl for some wings
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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