I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
