Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
