I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As shirtless as possible
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
