The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
