Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
