Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
