She's JV to your varsity
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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