do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
