I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
