i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
