I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
