Only a mothe r could love this liver
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
