At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
