whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
