Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
