the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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