How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She even gives head with a lisp.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
