can we get nightvision for the apartment?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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