its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
