his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol