Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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