I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice