i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do