I cannot find my penis.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
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People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
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I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The Olympian is in my bed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood