He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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