Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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