theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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