do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
