Umm I'm too high to move.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
