New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
