what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
