So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
