Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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