So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
