So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
