OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
