Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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