At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
