I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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