Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
