are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
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when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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