I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
