Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
