Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize