Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
