We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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