my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
