he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
