the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
