its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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