Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
