Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
