you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
