How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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