idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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