My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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