You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
