if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
