I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
