I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
