Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Fuck appropriateness.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
