he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Someone signed my nipple.
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